


I love you? (Let's sort the whole thing out)

by butterflour



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Coffee, Confrontations, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, First Love, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Moving Out, friends - Freeform, high school sweethearts, high school sweethearts reuniting, idk how to tag this, seungkwan is tired of thinking, sweet jeonghan, verkwan high school sweethearts au cuz why not, vernon is sorry, words of comfort from lee jihoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflour/pseuds/butterflour
Summary: One night at a party, Seungkwan sees an all too familiar face.Emotions run high, feelings fall deep.Can he handle coming across his high school sweetheart?
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	I love you? (Let's sort the whole thing out)

**Author's Note:**

> Title was taken from Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Let's Sort The Whole Thing Out'

Loud, pounding, and poppy music welcomes Seungkwan as he enters Mingyu’s huge and spacious apartment. The place is packed with numerous bodies dancing and jumping to the beat of the sound coming from the large speakers. 

He can almost see his friend Seokmin, in the middle of the room, laughing as he grooves and sways with the music. He catches Joshua staring silently at his friend, with a huge smile plastered on his face and a drink in his hand. He thinks Joshua looks like a _fool in love_. 

_Ugh, those two boyfriends, I hate them._

Of course he’s just kidding, Joshua and Seokmin are the cutest couple ever. He holds them deep inside his heart, like his other friends.

He sees Mingyu opening several boxes of pizza and preparing other food for his countless guests. 

_Hah! That’s what you get by being so famous and friendly and rich_

Seungkwan decides he’s gonna bother the poor guy. He taps Mingyu’s broad shoulders for a few times and he turns around annoyed, but his face immediately changes when he sees it’s just Seungkwan.

“What the hell? When did you get here? You should’ve texted me. The party’s at its peak!” he shouts, face beaming up like a big puppy. 

“Don’t bother hyung. I can see you have your hands tied with so much to do. Who are all these people anyway? I know you’re sociable and all but I can’t believe you invited an army here!” Seungkwan says.

“Shut up, it's just my former block, some friends from my club and sports team back then, and some of Wonwoo’s friends.”

Seungkwan chuckles at Mingyu's antics. He's also a _fool in love_ by inviting Wonwoo's (his boyfriend) friends just to get some kind of unneeded approval from them.

Well, that's love for his friends. It makes them do foolish (sometimes a bit cute) things. He can't relate, because he's single… for a very long time now to be honest. And being in a relationship, was something he had had long ago, back when he was still in the early years of high school.

But that was short lived because this friend suddenly left their neighborhood and moved overseas with his family. They broke up on good terms, but Seungkwan never received any letter or message, or anything at all after. And well, he never heard from his friend again, ever.

  
  


* * *

Seungkwan feels oddly tired already just by observing the people around him. He sees people walking around, others even jumping while walking which he finds weird. It’s a typical party for people in their mid-20s, he can’t imagine how stressed these people are to party like this.

He observes that while it’s fun, he can’t do it (party so hard) anymore like he used to. His early days in college were spent with a mix of studying and socializing just to get by. Seungkwan filled his crumbling social life with this. He found friends he could count on forever, even if saying that was a stretch—it’s true. But his friends all have their own life (love life) and he can’t keep sucking up to them or third wheeling on them every time they hang out. 

It’s unfortunate, really, how he spent time being alone. He couldn’t stop thinking of the what ifs with the one person he loved the most. What if they spent the rest of their high school days together? What if they went to the same college? What if they live together now, spending days as they work and grow old and eventually die? _Too much._

That’s what high school sweethearts feel, isn’t it? The love they had was so genuine and full that it filled 14-year old Seungkwan until now, when he’s 24 years old already. There’s just something about young love and affection that stuck to him all these years. He tried moving on, but he found that he couldn’t. Because as much as he tries, he could never remove the image of the curly haired boy with the most attractive gummy smile in his head. And he finds that he could never separate his heart from what it wants.

He’s suddenly being pulled by Soonyoung inside the more private, casually intimate dining area. There were five people when he got there. There’s Jihoon, Joshua, Seokmin, Wonwoo, and Jeonghan. 

_Jeonghan_ _hyung_

He immediately wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s body when he sees him standing from the chair he’s sitting on. He missed this particular hyung so much, it’s been months since he last saw him. “Kwannie! I miss you so much!” Jeonghan giggles as he ruffles Seungkwan’s hair.

“I miss you too hyung! It’s been so long I never thought I’d see you here!”

“Well I tagged along with Seungcheol cause I don’t have anything to do tonight. It’s so boring in our house.” 

_House…_

_House!_

They live in a house already? Seungkwan asks himself.

“I know what you’re thinking, yes, we moved to a house already.” Jeonghan starts, “So since almost everyone is here I have a very important announcement!”

“Oh my God, you two are getting married aren’t you?” Joshua asks immediately.

“Who’s getting married!?” Seungcheol shouts as he enters the dining area.

“We are, you fool! I was just about to announce it but Joshua ruined everything.” Seungkwan finds himself laughing at his hyungs' antics. They’re almost 30 but they still act like children sometimes.

“Well congrats Cheol and Han, I’m happy for you both.” Jihoon pats Jeonghan’s back, “I’m surprised Seungcheol had the courage to finally ask you.”

“Oh I didn’t ask him. He asked me.” Seungcheol replies sheepishly.

“Yeah cause he’s too nervous to go down on one knee and ask a simple question. So I had to do it for him.” Jeonghan explains.

They are all laughing at the couple’s story when Mingyu walks in, holding three plates with pizza on both his hands. “What did I miss?” he asks.

“The mighty couple are getting married babe.” Wonwoo answers as he takes a plate from Mingyu’s hand.

“Oh my God, yes!” Mingyu cheers.

Seungkwan eyes Jihoon from the corner looking at him. He moves at the side where Jihoon is sitting. “Well, aren’t you glad to see me you brat?” says Jihoon. Seungkwan smiles and hugs his hyung tenderly. He also missed this particular hyung very much.

Jihoon rubs his back smoothly and asks him, “How are you? We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m fine hyung, I just have a lot of work lately and my sister often asks me to babysit her daughter.” he replies, a little too sad.

Jihoon didn’t miss the lonely feeling dripping from Seungkwan’s voice. So he asks him another question, “Seungkwan, are you perhaps thinking of him again?”

Seungkwan feels guilty. Among all their friends, Jihoon and Jeonghan were the ones who knew about Seungkwan’s predicament. They were all from the same high school, and they knew Seungkwan’s high school sweetheart. And they kept on looking out for him, even when they got their own boyfriends. They would never let Seungkwan feel like just because they gained lovers, he lost them, no, that’s not what friends are.

“Yes, hyung. I was just thinking of him again on the way here. I mean, I saw a store that sells one of his favorite snacks, and he just slipped into my mind.” he answers truthfully.

“How many times have Jeonghan hyung and I have told you to stop thinking about him? It’s not good for you Kwan. No one in their right mind would still think of their ex-lover from 10 years ago! Besides, what do you even gain from thinking of him?” Jihoon asks him.

Seungkwan can’t think of a proper answer. He never really thought about what he’d gain from hanging on. Maybe Jihoon is right. It’s been over a decade and he’s just… not in the right mindset anymore. 

“Seungkwan, look, I’m not forcing you to just drop your feelings for him, I get it. What you had was something special, but many years have passed. You can’t keep torturing yourself by clinging on. You have a good life, live it. I don’t want to see my friend moping around, feeling sad because he can’t move on from a boy from ten years ago.” Jihoon says, knocking some sense into Seungkwan’s mind, “Do you even love him? Or you just love the idea of being in a relationship with him? Because those are very different.”

“I don’t know hyung. It has really been so long. I pity myself sometimes too. I can’t understand why my heart and emotions work differently. I thought the first couple of years, when I was finishing high school, I’d moved on. But I didn’t.” Seungkwan sighs.

“Well that’s because you didn’t allow yourself to move on.” Jihoon sighs too.

He has a nice job that pays more than enough for his needs. He lives in a nice apartment that he considers home. He has nice friends that look out for him. He’s in a good relationship with his family. Seungkwan has everything he could ever dream of. He lives a significant and almost perfect life. He doesn’t need to hang on to old feelings and hope for something he knows he couldn’t have anymore.

“We love you Kwan. We’re always here for you. But you have to help yourself too, okay? Give it some more thought. It hurts to see you so sad because you’re a bright person. You bring out the best of us, and I want that for you too.” Jihoon finally says while hugging him.

Seungkwan feels so light as he wipes the silent tears that escaped his eyes. He is so thankful to have someone like Jihoon, who would talk some sense into him in a manner that he gets. And someone like Jeonghan who, even after so many months of no contact, would still hug him tight.

* * *

As he pulls back from Jihoon’s hug, he sees Seokmin making his way to them. “Guys come on, Mingyu wants us to meet a new co-worker.” Seokmin announces, pulling Seungkwan’s right hand and dragging him towards the table.

“So guys, this is a new employee from my company. He’s half-Korean and he moved here from the States, so be nice to him.” Mingyu states while gesturing to the guy beside him.

As Seungkwan takes a look at who Mingyu is referring to, he suddenly feels the air getting thick and heavy. His breath is caught inside his lungs. He feels so rooted to the spot he’s standing on. 

He doesn’t want to look at those caramel-brown eyes. He doesn’t want to see the new slicked back, fresh cut hairstyle. He doesn’t want to look at that sweet, innocent, and attractive gummy smile. He doesn’t want to look at Hansol—his high school sweetheart.

_I can’t stop looking_

_I can’t believe I’m seeing him_

_I want to hug him_

_I want to shout at him_

_I want to disappear_

_I want to leave this place already_

Before Hansol could look his way, he’s being pulled to the back door by none other than Jeonghan and Jihoon. He can feel the tears streaming down his face. Jeonghan was quick in wiping his tears. Jihoon slowly and soothingly rubs his back.

“Hey,” Jeonghan starts, “do you want to get out of here? There’s this coffee shop outside.” he asks Seungkwan, while looking at him attentively.

Seungkwan nods. Jihoon led them away from the dining area where Hansol is. Jeonghan has his right hand on Seungkwan’s waist, supporting him as they flee the scene.

* * *

It had been 30 minutes since they arrived at the coffee shop. Jihoon ordered beverages to drink and for Seungkwan to calm down. It effectively did, and now they’re sitting at the benches on the park near the shop.

“Do you want to go home now? I can stay the night with you.” Jeonghan offers.

“No hyung, it’s fine. You should go back there, Seungcheol hyung’s been calling you nonstop.”

“Kwan, it’s okay, we can stay here with you.” Jihoon replies as he soothes Seungkwan’s back, he’s been doing that since they sat.

“Guys, really! I’m fine, you two should go back there, your boyfriends might think I abducted you.” He tries to laugh and smile, but it falls right away.

“Kwan we don’t wanna leave you here, especially after that whole fiasco there.”

“Look, I just want some time alone, I’m gonna call one of you if I wanna go home, is that good? I just want to be alone here.” he says to his two hyungs, looking at him with concern.

“Okay if that’s what you want. Call if you need anything okay?” Jeonghan replies. He and Jihoon left Seungkwan on his own at the bench.

He looks at his hyungs’ retreating figures and sighs. He should call and see them often, they care so much about him and he’s guilty for deliberately ignoring them.

The image of Hansol enters his mind. He still affected Seungkwan so much and he knew this. He immediately got lost in those mesmerizing eyes Hansol had. He couldn’t get his mind off of Hansol’s smile. And the way his hair was styled, it’s so different, and yet so familiar.

The entirety of Hansol looks and feels all too familiar. Like a book he had read over and over again. Like how he listens and sings to his favorite song on loop. The familiarity is scaring him because he’s in too deep for Hansol. Even after leaving him. Even after not hearing anything from him for ten whole years!

But why now? When I am finally thinking of letting go, for good. Why at this time? When I finally decided it’s time to actually move on. Why now? When I have realized the weight of the emotion I’ve been carrying with me. He kept on asking no one in particular, because he knew no one could really answer his questions.

And as if the universe hasn’t done a lot of damage to his poor heart tonight, he hears someone from behind say, “You’re here.”

Seungkwan hears Hansol’s deep voice. The first time in ten years.

“I’ve been looking for you, Mingyu hyung mentioned a friend named Seungkwan who for some reason was nowhere to be found. I saw your figure walking away, I mean I wasn’t sure that it was you, but I kinda felt like it was. So I followed you here.” he finishes.

Seungkwan finally got the courage to face him. Hansol is looking at him innocently, expecting Seungkwan to say something. 

_Well this is awkward_

_What do you say to someone you haven’t seen or heard from for over a decade?_

“I… uh… yeah… was just craving for coffee and silence.” was all Seungkwan could reply. 

Hansol chuckles at him. “You still love coffee don’t you?” he asks.

“Yeah.” Seungkwan is fidgeting and he’s feeling all nervous around Hansol that’s why he couldn’t form coherent thoughts.

“How are you?” Hansol asks him, again.

“I’m good… I should probably get going now… so… yeah… nice meeti—seeing you… Hansol.” he mutters, and he makes an effort to stand up and get away from Hansol.

But Hansol was fast in holding both his arms and steadying him. “Woah, chill Kwannie. I wanted to talk to you. If that’s fine of course, I just have something to say.” Hansol is a bit nervous for Seungkwan’s response.

_Kwannie_

It has been so long since he last heard that nickname. Hansol’s nickname for him.

_And he wants to talk_

“I…”

“If you don’t want to it’s really fine.” Hansol says again raising both his hands mid-air.

“Let’s go over there.” Seungkwan manages to squeak out and he points to the direction where there are less people and a lot of space for privacy.

* * *

They’ve been walking along the side of the park for minutes now, enveloped by the silence and comfort of the trees that surround them. Seungkwan doesn’t know how to start a conversation with Hansol. It’s been a long time since he had a direct talk with the other guy. Hansol seems tense and skeptical on how to start talking too.

“So…”

“So…”

Both of them started at the same time. They look at each other and Hansol smiles nervously, Seungkwan however, couldn’t.

“You go first.” Seungkwan says.

“Okay.” Hansol starts, “First of all, it’s so nice to see you again. After all those years, I never thought meeting you again would be this quick.”

Seungkwan thought of something to reply. His mind couldn’t come up with anything so he stayed silent and let Hansol continue.

“Second, I’m sorry for not keeping in touch like how I promised when we broke up.”

_There_

Seungkwan looked at him and replied. “Yeah you should be.”

Hansol frowns and looks down at his shoes, the air suddenly seems filled with a lot of tension.

“I don’t know if you really valued what we had back then Hansol. You promised that even after we break up you’d still message or write letters or send photos. But you never did.” Seungkwan rants in a fit of bubbling rage.

“I understand that adjusting there might’ve been hard for you, but I was hurting too. The guy I loved so much suddenly had to move to another country, far away from here. I could’ve helped you when you were feeling sad and alone, just as I was.” he continued.

“Do I even mean anything to you Hansol?” Seungkwan feels his heart beating fast and his mind spiralling with words he always wanted to say for the past ten years.

“I waited for you. I made myself look like a fool for doing so. I didn’t think you’d be the type to ditch someone just because that someone isn’t with you.” he can feel the tears running down his face and his vision blurring.

“Damn you Hansol! Why?”

He wipes the tears away with his hand, now that he can see Hansol clearly again, he can see the other man’s eyes getting wet from tears too.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I was just so scared of what would happen. I didn’t want to make you feel like I’m dragging you. I thought if I let you go, we could both be happy with our new lives and just remember each other as a beautiful memory.” Hansol says, while wiping his own tears.

“But I know I was wrong Kwannie. Trying to forget you sent endless daggers to my heart. After a year or so I tried to make contact, but I decided against it. Because… because I thought I shouldn’t bother you anymore. I thought you’d move on already and found new friends. I chickened out. Besides I don’t know if you’d reply knowing how I avoided you for a year.” he finishes.

“Of course I was waiting! I have always been Hansol.” Seungkwan replied after a minute of just them sobbing against the raw, chilly night.

“I’m really sorry Kwannie, I truly am.”

“And yes, you mean so much to me. You always do.”

Seungkwan finally lets his pent up emotions and feelings out, he hugs Hansol with all that he could.

Hansol hugs him back. Seungkwan cries even more. 

Hansol quickly wipes the tears away and caresses Seungkwan’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” he repeats until all Seungkwan could hear was Hansol’s comforting voice.

They stayed in their position, Hansol rubbing small circles on Seungkwan’s back, while Seungkwan clung to him tightly, fearing that he might be gone again if he let go of his grasp.

“I miss you.” he mutters silently against Hansol’s chest.

“I miss you too.” Hansol replies, his voice tugging at Seungkwan’s heart.

After a minute or more of just them hugging and comforting each other, Seungkwan realizes they’re still in a public place. He suddenly feels embarrassed, he looks around and notices that nobody’s staring at them.

_Thank goodness_

Hansol squeezes his hand and looks at him warmly, then smiles and asks, “Can you still handle another cup of coffee?”

Seungkwan feels light for the second time this evening despite their sour confrontation a while ago.

“Why?” he asked Hansol back.

“I want to buy you one, so we can catch up and talk. That is if you want.” Hansol answers.

“I’d love to.”

Seungkwan thought of what his Jihoon hyung said. To give whatever he’s feeling more thought. To bring out the best in him too. And to know if he’s still in love with Hansol or just with the idea of them together again.

He’s positive he doesn’t know what’s going on inside his heart right now. He doesn’t know if he’s still in love with Hansol. Maybe he could sort it out anytime soon. But it doesn’t matter right now, because for the first time in years, he’s genuinely happy and excited. And he knows that whatever it is he’s feeling right now, it’s different from what he’s ever felt when Hansol left.

His phone lights up, notifying him of a text.

Jihoon-hyung: _Hey Kwan, are you okay back there? You know Hansol’s not here anymore. I wonder where he is right now. Well, if you need a ride home just text me or Han-hyung. But I’m guessing you don’t need it anymore. Just think of yourself first this time Kwan, okay?_

He smiles knowingly as he sends a reply. _Jihoon-hyung really._

He hears Hansol calling him.

“You okay?” Hansol asks him.

“Yeah. So… let’s go?”

Hansol nods and smiles at him.

Seungkwan smiles back.

**Author's Note:**

> i miss verkwan so much so here's another short one shot
> 
> thank you for reading! comments and kudos are appreciated very much


End file.
